Starr Spangled Shit Show

Let me tell you my winter and spring 2021 dating squad was top tier.

Then shit changed abruptly.

Sit tight while I tell you about what will be recalled in my dating history as the Starr Spangled Shit Show.

I had met this man a few years before while socializing with mutual friends, and a few times shared greetings on social media when he would pop into my inbox. There was familiarity and casual banter over the years, so when he asked me out it didn’t seem strange.

Our first outing was like friends catching up. He was single living the summer life in the streets and so was I. We laughed about the dating scene and traded stories about mishaps in our quests. We chatted the next day and continued our catching up and he asked me out on a real official date, and why not? We’re both single and dating right?

The first date was lovely we enjoyed a live outdoor concert, shared lots of compliments, handholding and eye gazing. The couples around us were as mesmerized as we were in our romance and slow dancing when we peaked out of the bubble of each other. The chemistry was thick.

Within the first week, we had been on multiple dates and kept lining up future dates and conversations. We both had a fondness for music, travel, fashion and damn near anything black and cultural.

One of the very first conversations he adamantly stated “marriage and monogamy has never worked for me” I stated my stance as a practicing ethical non-monogamous person, if dating others seriously it must be discussed and agreed upon and I do not date married people without the consent of their spouse. We were both excited about dating someone who was okay with still openly dating others.

From then on it was a concentrated world wind of dating and romance that moved fervently and intently. We went from openly dating others to him thinning out his suitors and bringing to my attention that he wanted to concentrate on me. Many times I reminded him that I was quite okay with him continuing dating others as long as I was in the know. Quickly we had access to each others homes, by trading keys and even had a well run living together routine. I was working remotely from his place until it got uncomfortable working on a laptop from the couch, so he starts setting up a work station and purchases a monitor.

Yep yall, living together and I’m working from there too. Occasionally going to my home for a few hours to change out my clothes, water the plants, see my friends or gather the mail. Consequently with that routine, my dating others gets a little thinned out too. But I had no complaints. Then later he asked directly if we could be exclusive.

This love thing is rolling yall. But first there are heavy talks about childhood traumas, heartbreaks, hurdles, mental health diagnosis, triggers, how to be supportive partners and so much more. Oh and he has chosen to divulge the infidelity from his recent marriage. Ya’ll it was levels, LEVELS, MAJOR LEVELS to the quantity and depths. I honestly had to sit back for a few days to process the blatant disrespect and public humiliation for another human, as I came back with all the questions about lessons learned, therapy and did cheating still provide a thrill. Ah so that’s how he arrived at monogamy and marriage not ever working for him, but I respected his transparency in an effort to move forward with me.

Then next thing you know we’re planning vacations and holidays, I met his sister and cousins in a sweet gathering, colleagues for drinks and even grade school close friends to get acquainted. He’s meeting my family via video chat and my local friends as we gather in intimate settings.

My lease is coming to an end soon so we plan to consolidate and stop wasting two rents, especially if my place is only utilized on weekends we spend in the city. He’s getting me acclimated to his part of town, my new nail tech, car service and local watering holes, carpool kid pick up strategy, best grocery stores in the neighborhood and new homes being built for our upcoming home purchase. Next up is meeting the ex-wives and being an additional helpmate, bonus parent and family member. He’s invited me to his child’s game but on the day of, rescinds the invite.

"Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light"

Somehow he remembers “Oh yeah, she’s going to be there, it would be awkward. And well we haven’t made it legal yet.” Turns out they were separated but not divorced.

"What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?"

My heart dropped. Sank. Deflated.

"Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,"

That evening I’m prepared to break it all off or at least slow it down drastically.

I walk in to his place to...come with me to part two