Starrs Aligned - Post Script
That mans wife reached out to me. Someone took the time to print the first two parts of my blog and mailed it to her without a return address and from a general Atlanta zip code. But she had already read it, she says a few “friends” sent her the link to part one.
And hell no it wasn't me. I would have sent it electronically with a read receipt, if I were pressed for her to read my story. She’s easily accessible if I needed to reach out. Writing about my pain was therapeutic and apparently for many others who commented or contacted me. I’ll admit I almost reached out to her to ask what was really going on after the Dallas fiasco. But how was I supposed to ask my boyfriend's legal wife if he was being faithful? Or if they were planning reconciliation. Foolish, I stopped myself.
But here goes…from what she says, she knew he was in a relationship for months. We all know that her friends knew and she even clarified it to a few others who thought I was just someone he associated with. His wife knew about our travel plans for New Years as well as Asia in the spring. She can tell you about our posts and when I stopped tagging him on social media.
When I learned he wasn’t legally divorced and was led to believe there was a separation agreement, I stopped tagging him by name but still posted pics without him cause well umm I was cute or the outings were fun, besides y’all know me mostly for food, fashion and travel photos, not who I’m dating. Honestly in my history, when the recent ex of someone I’m dating looks like they are moving on with me, they start sniffing around again. I know it’s not about me, some people don’t want others to move on in happiness without them. And after 15 years of heartache and pain, I think I can understand. But I’d rather not and move on to cut my losses. It’s the fallacy of sunk cost. (I peeped this on Dr. M’s feed and had to update the post with proper terminology, shout out to one of the dopest coaches I’ve had the opportunity to learn from)
She’s been well aware that her husband is dating and telling those that he is divorced and she believes it’s not her problem. I believe it absolutely is enabling and part of the problem and that she has the power to stop some of this mayhem. There are series on television of women feeling scorned and snapped, it’s only a matter of time before one of the casualties of their game gets fed up and believes someone should pay.
She was very aware that he was happy in our relationship. She even remarked how much of a good match we were, and that I was everything he always said he wanted in his mate. There was no drama that I was aware of, everyone was living and loving as I stated in prior parts of this series up until that weekend when everything went haywire.
But then she says she decided she had something to “prove” to him and herself and to go along with the Dallas trip that was mentioned a year prior when they discussed reconciling for the umpteenth time. The weekend was recounted as a good time for them both with laughs and fun. Supposedly he got upset that she didn't initially tag him on social media in her Dallas weekend pics. She tells me that she told him she was trying to be respectful of his relationship with me. But here's the thing, and it's my perspective that if I'm trying to be respectful of a relationship then I'm not sleeping in the same bed nor taking a trip.
So again, by the time the trip came she was supposedly very much over him. But she went to “prove“ a point. Then on the drive home from the airport she told him she wanted to move forward with divorce.
It's like one of those cuck fetishes. They have this cycle where they play interested in reconciling when they know the other is getting deep into seeing someone. Then drop them again after it’s just enough to pull them away. It’s sickening and in hindsight I’m happy I was able to get out unscathed…kind of.
There appeared to be no hate or anger in her reaching out…initially. She joked about us collaborating on a tell all book about dealing with men like him. And I’m down if it helps get women out of bondage and free from hurt and pain. I was encouraging her to be happy and free in whatever that looks like.
She even said knew about all of the infidelity and the levels of which she has been continually disrespected. She knows about the myriad of women paraded through her home and bed. She knew about all of her friends and associates he had affairs with and really hated the whispers and elephant in the room tension when she was around her friends. I asked how she had the strength to show a strong face and play nice with him and friends knowing all the players and minute details. She’s aware and wishes folks would stop treating her like a timid mouse, she knows and flat out says she doesn’t care. She has chosen to cut her friends' circle when they step out of boundaries with her husband, while forgiving a select few. And will continue to work things out with her husband no matter how it appears to others. I suppose that makes her the strongest of all.
But why reach out to me? Yeah I asked. She wanted to know if I was the sender. But I wasn’t. But if I was, then what? She doesn’t quite know why she contacted me. And neither do I. Some of my friends speculate she sent the letter to herself to stir up drama. I’m thinking maybe another of his past conquests or current wanted her to know and hoped it would get her out of the way. As the conversation progressed I got peeved when there was rambling with no rationale. It might have been the liquor but I said “and then you want to question me about sending a letter to you. But can’t question the people in your circle”. It hurts me when women don’t feel that warmth of sisterhood I’ve been blessed with over my lifetime. I don’t understand how someone can sit around those who have over and over again betrayed their trust and say or do nothing. That’s a fuse waiting to blow.
And then I started thinking how happy I am that I didn’t fall into reconciling with him in his efforts after our break up. I was a temporary walk-on role for this bullshit. How could I reconcile with someone with no plans or discussion of divorce? Was I expected to beg to be the woman on the side like those before me? Could you imagine the headache of dealing with this continuous cycle of chaos between two people trying to out manipulate each other? I would have gone crazy beyond crazy. This is a drama they've been in for years and adding unwitting co stars along the way.
A few loving folks reached out to me wondering if I was on another trip he was posting about and were ready to cuss me out for going back. But I assured them it wasn’t me and most likely the next victim enjoying the new relationship energy. I thought I was getting far away from this drama last year and with the therapeutic writing of the prior four parts and then this happened, dredging some of it up again. I’m not strong enough for this mess, and pray that I never earn the stripes to say I am. I felt like a cartoon character knocked on the noggin, a lump forming, tweety bird floating around my head and seeing stars.
As my good friend says “I'm in a station in life now where I don't suffer any foolishness”
I am moving forward in healing on my journey.
I desire peace and love. I am love.
All the things I’m told I am to others. And know to be true, I’d like reciprocated.