Valentine’s is for suckers.

Yeah I said it.  

Fight me.  

Don’t worry, I’m a sucker for Valentine’s, romance, love and all the mushy stuff.  

But, timehop reminded me of one of the worst Vdays I’ve ever had... 

Damn I was cute.   But on the verge of tears y’all.   

We were still in the newish in love faze of our relationship.  We talked about our past relationships, hurts, failures, pains, fears and dreams for the future.  We both truly felt as if we knew everything about eachother with as much as we shared in a short time.  

I should have known when their recent ex kept calling that something was amiss. 

-Blaring Sign Sucka’

In the time leading up to the happy hearts holiday we were both hesitant on making a big deal of it, especially with the let downs from past relationships.  My past was just a series of what seemed like wrong person, right time or right person wrong time.  And their recent ex was married, no not newly married, but married the entire time.  

-Rebound Sucka’

As we lamented over past heartache we decided that we would undo all of that hurt by being each others Valentine, showing the love and setting the precedent for our relationship early. 

-Can’t undo others’ hurt, you're not a therapist Sucka’  

So I chose to celebrate them with seven days of love.  A gift each day showing my love and appreciation.  And that I had listened to those stories of hurt and lost.  And if you’ve been reading my posts then you know I can’t stand feeling unheard so I wanted to show that I was listening and they were heard.  I hunted down the favorite Janet Jackson poster that hung in their room most of childhood until it was lost in a move.  Then there was the favorite cartoon series movie I found on DVD.  I even hunted down the last pair of a highly coveted sneaker and had it shipped express from the seller in Minnesota.  Every morning for seven days they woke with a gift and a note about how it tied to my love for them.

-You do too much Sucka’

Midway through love week we were to attend dinner and concert with some friends.  My love was stressing about what to wear and drove to various malls in the area to make the ensemble just right. 

-They didn’t even think to get you a card, Sucka’

We’re almost at the end of the seven days and one of my gifts generates a waterfall of emotions.  Tears of joy and gratitude to pain and regret.  Regret for not doing anything as grand. I assumed they were just waiting to pop up with a bunch of flowers, gift, candy or something on the final day.

-You know what the say about assumptions, Sucka’

The final day we go to dinner alone.  Well kinda.  That damn phone was still blowing up. 

-Should have grabbed the phone and wilded out, Sucka’

I gave my final gift and was thanked with a meal I would never hope to eat again.  The food was terrible and my date was distracted much of the time.  Between the enormous let down after the seven days of pouring all of my heart and emotion I at least hoped for a meal of my favorite foods. 

-Your tummy ain’t even happy, Sucka’

I was so hungry after the lackluster meal; I wanted to eat everything and drown my emotions.  We had the nerve to stop for fast food and Krispy Kreme donuts on the way home. We probably both had emotional eats that night…but on opposite end of the spectrum.

-You fell for the hot donuts sign, Sucka’

That photo was taken as part of a series of usies. They were even posted to social media...which was a big deal for my partner at the time.  

-Consider that your gift, Sucka'

Till the pics started getting attention by acquaintances of their ex and quickly removed.

-Foiled again, Sucka'

We broke up months later, I couldn't continue to handle experiences that left me feeling alone while in a relationship. I was even foolish enough to return to them for a second time around...Yep that's the 'ex-again" from Cabo.

In hindsight.  

I'd do it all over again.  

Yes I would be a sucker for Valentine's day.  

For romance.  

For Love.

I love love and now understand even better the gift of giving it.  But it's so much better when acknowledged, reciprocated and appreciated.